Dear Diary...

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Truth is known only to its victims;
Life tells the biggest lies of all,
And draws wages from itself

Twisting Illusions

Franchesca, Ches
23 Sep 1991
SACian before
Thespian now

I gazed up above
Counting every star
With hands grasp tightly
Wishing the fire would never burn out

I called, I screamed, I yelled
Not once did you turn
Now with my faded voice
I longed for illusions

Even if it's a lie,
Tell me what i want to hear

Christine Teo

David

Esther Tay

Hui Shuang

Jasmine Foo
Jingle Bells
Justina Gay

Kel Lim
Kel Relationshits

Leon
Lynn

Rachel

Sherri Chong
Serene
Skye

Wendy

曲翔之

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Saturday, 27 March 2010

Rehearsals are everyday from 2 to 10pm. If I didn't go for rehearsals, it meant that I was at class. Most of the time I'm in school and I'm hardly at home. Apart from my dad (since hewas hardly home to begin with), I didn't have the chance to spend time with my family.

My younger sis said that she missed me, thanks dearest =). My elder sis and my mom didn't say anything. When I reach home, I bathed and went straight to bed. We said nothing. Today is Saturday and I'll be going for rehearsal later at 2 (again).

I had a conversation with my mom, about the back therapy and the rehearsal issue, which made me concluded that we understand nothing about each other's thoughts now. She is saying point A while I defy her with point B. She was thinking I'm unreasonable and I'm thinking she's too.

Thanks to this conversation, we didn't want to talk to each other. I tried to be reasonable and not lose my cool because if I did, it'll probably get into a heated arguement. I promised myself that I won't ever lose my composure before and I'll keep my word to it!

I am a very direct person. My point is brought across with the least possible words spoken. It is also probably this reason that my mom got very angry. I mean, I told her straight that if she was "ever going to have to change the appointment schedule again in future, tell me. Don't change without telling me, I don't like it."

Yes, I know. I've just shot an arrow into her wall of pride. That aside, I feel very lonely in the house now. =) When I'm out, I don't mention about my family. I don't want to bring family affairs outside. There's nothing for me to talk to them about. They're busy doing their things and talkng among themselves because they have a common topic with I have no clue about.

I know, from a long time ago, that my mom was never happy when I had rehearsals to attend. She'll fuss that the rehearsals are too long and takes up too many days. She'll fuss, complain and blow up. Indirectly and direct blame me for attending the rehearsals. If so, is me being in Theatre good? If being in theatre is at the expense of my family relations, then I don't want.

Two things I cherish now.
(1) My family and our relationships
(2) My Japanese-related programmes and events
I'm going to drop my choir and now, there's still already a high chance of me dropping my Japanese classes. I've lost one of my 2 most cherish things now and I don't want to lose more.

My family relationships are in a mess, my schedules are, suddenly, clashing onto each other and I'm very exhausted.