Unequivocal Fallacies

2012-01-02T11:26:00.001+08:00

Today is the last day of my holidays! School reopen again tomorrow!! :'(

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2011-10-02T14:49:00.003+08:00

‎45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON'T ASK FOR:

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
...4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..
26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.

You’ll never know when she needs just a little more love .. ♥!

2011-10-02T14:44:00.004+08:00

Talk about school!

2011-10-02T11:54:00.001+08:00

Today is Sunday and it's probably been a long while since I last updated my blogger. Funny thing is that I don't have anything to blog about. No dying urge that must be posted or I'll die or something.

Maybe my best motivational drive to update comes when mood is at it's lowest or when my thoughts are all over the place. "胡思乱想" is what my friend calls it. Tsk tsk tsk.

Oh well, at least I've updated it as requested. Haha! Duty fulfilled! ~_~"

Ok folks, live long and prosper. x)

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2011-09-29T16:36:00.002+08:00

It is obviously for me.

You want me to get lost? Sure, I will. I'm not going to find out why for I've done nothing wrong to be chased by you. Since you are so dissatisfied with me in everything I do, I will leave without a word. I have done absolutely nothing wrong to receive such a remark from you. So very, I'll grant your wish. You want me out of your life? Sure, I will.

Do note, however, that I was already out of your life for quite some time. You won't contact me till I contacted you, yet you wanted us to be friends. I've done my part and now I'm being chased. Fair enough, I am honored and touched.

You like to go around assuming things and I am always the one who bear the consequences of your assumptions. I don't belong to you and owe you absolutely no explanations, yet I need to face your nonsense.

I had enough too. Fair enough, I'll leave as you wish.

2011-09-27T17:48:00.002+08:00

It worries me to hold on, for the future is never as I planned.

2011-09-25T20:40:00.001+08:00

Thank you darling~

For everything!

Love, me.

2011-09-25T19:53:00.002+08:00

I want to announce!

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE 23RD OF DECEMBER!

Haha! Alright time to side-track a little. Discuss a little of my birthday.

Well, my birthday was like any other day. But I got my greatest present of them all. A simple wish from a simple significant someone saying 2 words, "Happy Birthday".

I may love surprises but that was more significant than any surprise I could have from others. It just made me jump from my chair and hugged that person! Haha~

2011-09-25T01:21:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what situation I am in. To be happy by others and not family.

What makes a family, family? I mean seriously, is it just because they are blood-related to us so that’s why they are called family?

Yesterday was beautiful. In general. Though what i had prayed for didn’t come true, at least I did try to wish for me. Home, is indeed an exhausting and excruciating place to be in. It reek the smell of fear.

I stepped into a river. Hopefully my journey in this river will long and slow. I love this river. Just everything about this river. The beauty of it is overwhelming but I’ll try to grasp every bit of it. The slipping water shows my flexibility in control, and the water held shows my selfishness for it.

2011-09-22T23:55:00.001+08:00

Dear Tumblr,

Just another 5 mins more, it'll be my birthday. I don't ask for much. I only ask for a day without hurt and scolding. A peaceful day would be more than enough. I don't need surprises or celebration or gifts. Scoldings can shift to the next morning. Just leave my tomorrow alone.

Having said that, it's impossible. I'm so going to get criticise during voice class soon. That's what lecturers are for anyway. So, and yet again, a hopeless wish. Haha.

Happy Birthday to me in advance!

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2011-09-21T01:44:00.001+08:00

I feel like some idiot crying everyday now. It seems as though a knife is stuck in my heart and it hurts each wrong move that I make. I feel and am ridiculously miserable now. =(

Mending my fortress...

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2011-09-19T14:00:00.003+08:00

First, I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm a person. Then maybe I'll convince myself that I'm an actress.

- Marilyn Monroe -

I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent.

- Marilyn Monroe -

2011-09-19T13:58:00.000+08:00

“You’ve changed” is what you say. Usually “changed” always refer to something negative. Have I really change? Is it because you are not used to the ways I behave that you think I’ve changed? Or is it because you’ve not been with me for long and I’m not behaving the way you THOUGHT I would behave?

Quite commonly, we think someone change because they behaved differently from what they expected or thought we might have reacted. But have the people stopped to think that these people behaved differently from our expectations because we knew them not enough? Instead of they “USED TO BE LIKE…”?

Bad habits still remain. I won’t fancy explaining myself if you’re not going to change that impression of me in you. No point inflicting the truth into you if won’t even accept my explanations thinking that it’s just another excuse.

You can think I’m wild or not that kind of girl I SHOULD be. However, what kind of girl should I have been? Tell me, what exactly do you know of me. What kind of person am I to you?

2011-09-16T11:26:00.002+08:00

I think my birthday is crawling too fast. I don’t want it to come soon. I don’t want. Stay away from me. I had a whole plan ahead for whacky birthday celebration but you know what, I don’t want. I don’t want anymore.

Why is it that every time when I think “it’s okay.” or “I’m alright now.”, people would just have to go and proof me wrong? Is it so difficult to just leave me alone?

Are you upset? Yes, I am upset. I stopped missing one and another came to replace her. I… Don’t know what to say. I just miss the times we spent before.

2011-09-11T23:43:00.002+08:00

One of the quotes that I do not deny, “the funniest people have the saddest soul”.

Dearest,
You are constantly looking out for me, and I do not, for a minute, doubt that you care for me loads. I can tell you do. However, I do know that no matter how much you try to hide, you’re still upset on the inside.

I may not be the best person to hear you out, but if my presence can make you laugh even for that moment, I’ll be there. Limitations that I may have might be difficult to bend, but other than that, I’ll try my best to be there for you.

I would rather you pick yourself up entirely than for you to care so much about me. I’ll do just fine, yea? So stop worrying about me and pull yourself together. One thing for sure, from the very first time I’ve met you till now, you’ve improved tremendously. Keep up the good work and continue moving forward!

It’s alright to fall down once in a while, to breakdown and cry ‘cos I’ll be behind your back to give you that motivating KICK! You know me! Haha. And, I won’t stop showing my spoilt-brat attitude! Haha! I am spoilt after all. =)

You’re stronger than you think you are~

Love,
Me.

2011-09-10T23:17:00.002+08:00

I see her wall. I see words that she would always say. Words of truth that are real and likable. I am missing her. I am missing her badly. If only I could phone her and have a conversation with her. Hear her voice.

I wanted to call her over for the birthday celebration. But I guess, having her to reply my message would serve as a problem itself.

A friend gone, is a friend lost. Our paths once crossed, will it ever cross again? ‘Cos I am missing her loads. I really do. It hurts to remember the time spent together. It hurts so much that I really want to cry. How to mend this friendship? It’s not even a possible thought, isn’t it?!

Would things have been better if I had just gone home? Would things have changed if I was just a little different then?

2011-09-10T09:49:00.001+08:00

It’s funny how I can be constantly tired no matter how much I sleep. Probably it’s because I’m not having enough sleep. Ahh~ that must be the reason.
The day sounds quiet. Wonder if it’ll remain so quiet throughout the day… Having said that, it never comes true when I wish for something. Expect the day to be noisy.

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2011-09-09T02:09:00.003+08:00

September is my birthday month. People say that things will be sucker during your birthday month. I hereby proclaim that, crap!

September is so far the worst month. It’s one of the most disappointing month for me. Or in fact, just this year itself.
I am starting to despise this month. To the extend that I, who look forward to this month, wants this month to just slip by.

Nothing happy happened from the start of the month till now. Nothing. None at all. Hurt, angered, upset, annoyed, pained and all sort of negative feelings piled in this month.
I am trying hard to smile through these tears that I am compressing. But I’m starting to get really worn out by all the shiakes that I’m being put through by people around me. I really am.

Never mind. Things will improve. Just endure and tolerate for that little bit more! It’s alright. It’s okay. Time to stop being difficult too! Tune into others. Suit into them. Learn to do things alone! Loneliness is the friend of every man after all!

Remember: smile!

2011-09-07T18:43:00.001+08:00

As for now, I am located at the driving centre. I had taken the 2 trial tests. Goodness me! I failed the first one, 84%, and passed the other, 94%.

Panic attack! What if I can't pass later?! Stress! What if my brain banked out on me later?! What if they come out questions that I don't know?!

I am hungry too. No way am I going to eat alone! No no no no! Impossible. I feel spoilt and pampered but I don't really care. Not like it's affecting anyone here.

Man, I should have got someone to accompany me at such moments. It's funny how I am always on my own on moments like these. A guaranteed thing.

Next, I'll need to worry about journey home. Navigating my way home. But that is for later. So it's fine. Just kill me at times like these. ='(

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2011-09-06T11:30:00.003+08:00

Today is the 2nd day of MC and I’m currently home alone. Well, I guess this is my opportunity to study for my BTT which is tomorrow. Spend a day studying. =)

Food poisoning and I’m going to cook instant noodles to eat. Wow, that is so helpful. But, Hey, you can’t blame me. There’s nothing to eat at home when you’re home alone. It’s not as though there are any ingredients for me to cook something else. And even if there are ingredients, I can’t cook for nuts. You’ll probably receive a phone call from the A&E if I ever cooked at home.

I’m home alone and I’m bored. =( Guess I’ll just bury myself in books.

Oh, maybe it’s because I had to lie in bed the whole time yesterday, my body aches today. Bed sores! My back is dying! Man, age is really catching up. How unfortunate. =_=”

2011-09-05T22:19:00.001+08:00

Awesome shiakes. Got food poisoning. 2 days MC and given 3 different medications.

1. Easing of vomiting and nausea.
2. Relief of abdominal pains.
3. Rehydrating of body.

Avoid 3 types of food.

1. Spicy
2. Oily
3. Dairy products

Advisable food (only 2)

1. Porridge
2. Toast

My dad called me upon hearing my mom informing him about my vomiting. "Why didn't you contact me earlier so that I can pick you up?" he commented.

My classmates said I looked very pale and sick. Did I really look that bad?

My mom asked me to cab back. It feels so uncomfortable that I feel like crying. I might just end up crying if I am with any of my close friends.

Raffles Medical Centre, efficient. Oh gosh, my abdominal is hurting again. I'm hungry but can't eat. Sitting or bending over hurts too. Drinking water itself makes my stomach flip too. Talk about falling sick. =(

Maybe I should just go to school tomorrow. Class ends at 4.30pm latest anyway. Haha!

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2011-09-03T02:11:00.001+08:00

I took up a contemporary dance class. Here’s the thing, though I do have dance background of a semster before, I do think that the intermediate class is a little challenging. Not that I can’t catch up, I can, but it’ll take me some time to catch the movements. Probably after the teacher demonstrate 2 or 3 times? In school, as it is basics, I can get them moves in a try or after a demonstration.

Elementary class would be too simple for me but intermediate needs some hard work. I’ll need to practice and disgust the moves before I can execute them. I am glad though, that I am not alone in the class. I have Fervyn with me. If I was alone, I would probably have given up somewhere along the way. To think that I managed to keep up even though I am lagging in 4 classes back. Not bad, a pat on my shoulder =)!

After that contemporary class, I’ll probably take up another dance class. My friends were suggesting Jazz dance or something. Oh well, we’ll see how things go. For now, contemporary dance is what I want to focus on. Tough but I’ll hang in there. がんばって！

2011-09-03T02:01:00.000+08:00

I was suppose to eat Mooncakes today but as my friend stood me up, I missed my chance to eat them. I love them! =(

2011-08-28T22:27:00.001+08:00

Look at my excruciating headache and feel my agony.

It’s making me go insane. Maybe a drug would help numb it. Let me turn immune to this agony that I’m facing.

2011-08-28T15:01:00.000+08:00

Omg, noise noise noise. It's irritating and annoying in my ear.

Hungry! Very hungry!!!!!

2011-08-27T12:41:00.000+08:00

2011-08-27T12:40:00.000+08:00

It’s still morning even though I’ve tried to sleep till noon. Plan failed. やっぱりね~ ( ´w`”)

Hear her tone of speech, one can easily tell that she is unhappy and dissatisfied with me. As usual. Questioning as though you knew the answers. It’s early morning, no point making an enemy out of you. Just control and give in that little more effort and patience. It’ll be fine. きっと、だいじょぶだ。だって、あたしはつよくになりたい。。。

Probably from the long squat yesterday, my ankle decides to take a toll on me. I can still walk fine but I definitely won’t deny that it hurts like crap to flex my foot. What more to walk right? It’s alright, not that bad. Still enduring. The pain isn’t that bad yet. がんばれえええ！！！

2011-08-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

2011-08-23T23:09:00.001+08:00

I am seriously going insane. Literally insane! I can’t crack it… I don’t know how to crack it too! Omg~ someone save me, please~

Year 3 sucks big time! I mixed up my voice qualities for my characters. Apart from my tree spirit. I am really insanely mad now. Stressed~ I am stress. =(

Omg, I am so grateful for Haky. He helped me big time for the characterisation. Thanks to the questionings on the Hot Seat by him, I managed to get my characterization.

Now I have to fuse it together. However, here’s another problem, every time I act, I can feel like not being real.

2011-08-22T22:06:00.001+08:00

I am a tainted person.

I couldn't keep my word. I'm sorry. 6th consecutive days... but I did try. I really did.

2011-08-21T14:41:00.001+08:00

SMILE SAM SMILE! Look up, hold back, close your eyes, breathe and smile! Time to break the 5 consequtive days of crying! No tears just a big smile.. Hold a big smile on your face even though it’s strangling on the inside. Smile! =)

Lock those emotions in the box, lock them tight and shut. Put on the beautiful mask again and smile! GRIN xD~ it’s going to be okay, you’re not alone. You still have me! =D

2011-08-20T12:06:00.003+08:00

My life as it is now, is a huge joke!

彼女が好き？！嘘でしょ！私たちはただの友達だよ！彼女は私の視有の一人から、見たくない。それだけ。でも、私は彼女が好きと言ったは。。まあ、いいだ。これでもいいんだ。。。

The whole thing's a farce! A farce that tastes good with ketchup! HaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... FK MY LIFE!

2011-08-18T01:27:00.000+08:00

The internet today is poor. Or just plain bad.

I am seriously going insane! My thumb-drive! Guess what~ My classmate borrowed my thumb-drive and left it in class! Oh my…

If my thumb-drive goes missing, I want to cry. Not only is this my 2nd thumb-drive that would-soon-to-be-missing but that’s also where all my school assignments and projects lie. All my updated projects and assignments and just all my school-related documents. You have no idea how much I feel like strangling someone! I am about to explode, then again, it is SOO not going to solve anything even if I exploded!

I think this is my period of unluckiness. I am not enjoying this period. That I swear and cross my heart.

Anyway, today is the 4th day of silence.

(Side-track) Though I am still not comfortable with guys, at least I am starting to get used to girls. I am now able to be in contact with them without freaking out 99% of the time. Improvement, I consider that to be. Guys, not even Haky can touch me without me shuddering or dodging or being startled. It’s still bad with them.

2011-08-16T23:37:00.002+08:00

My life in this moment and day, is twisted. I hate today. Everything was going well until my journey back home. If I had taken just the next train ride back, nothing would have happened. If I didn't blanked out at that moment, or if I didn't get scared to the point whereby my voice couldn't sound, nothing would have happened.

2nd time. Why do I encounter these disgusting incidents?! Why do I face them? It makes me feel... disgusted and dirty! I shan't question. I'm in no position to question. Since so, I'll just swallow the fear and the only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer! I won't cry anymore. Not in front of anyone.

Let it pass as an awful nightmare... My life suck.

2011-08-15T23:27:00.003+08:00

It's been quite a while before I last blogged. I wonder if anyone is still reading my blog... sounds plainly ridiculous to be following a blog that is sooo.. boring and irregular, I think.

Anyways...

When things get boring, I want to phone someone to chat. When I’m in the mood to talk, I want to phone someone to chat. When something triggers a strong emotion in me, I want to phone someone to chat. Than again, people are too busy caught up with their lives, so what makes me think that they’ll be free to entertain me? Nothing at all.

Oh well, such is life! Live with it.

2nd day of silence… What is the record this time round?

I might be joining a contemporary dance class to keep me moving!

2011-08-09T02:58:00.000+08:00

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.”

—	Henry Rollins

2011-08-07T16:25:00.001+08:00

I loved this song for a long time. Maybe I should have used this to summarize most of the happening events from the very start.

2011-08-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

It’s true that we are making decisions in everything we do. Some affects only yourself, while mostly, affects those around you.

Casual decisions are ones which are easy to make. They are the ones that benefits everyone leaving a smile on each of their faces.

Tougher decisions are the ones which needs courage. They are the ones that affects people in the long term run. Be it appointing a leader or in relationships. These are the decisions that wouldn’t please everyone, and in fact, hurt them.

Decisions are that tougher to make are the ones that needs time, before and after. True, there are times, we make the wrong choices, resulting in the sufferings of others. Take it as a lesson learnt and grow.

These are the times when I looks at their crying faces and wonder, “Had I done the right thing?” or “Would it be better if I had chose the other option instead?”

2011-08-07T16:04:00.000+08:00

2011-08-06T01:24:00.002+08:00

あたしはという最悪の人間。。。

2011-08-03T23:11:00.001+08:00

To me, this song is very inspiring yet touching. I am going to buy the CD to support! =)

2011-08-02T16:25:00.001+08:00

( ´  ` ) I’m barely surviving~~ Workload is manageable but hectic!

Every week, we are needed to go through a mock audition. So we have to prepare new monologues for each week. When I meant prepare, it really is prepare, to the extend of it’s rehearsed and such. Insanity.

Next up for acting is the solo project. I’m doing fine on my script. I’ll be doing some further editions and amendments. As it’s a children theatre piece, I had to make sure that anyone would be able to understand my English, so I had one of my chinese speaking friend to read it for me. If she understood, that would mean that my command of English used was simple. Thankfully, she understood! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Need to get my feet thongs soon!! It’ll save my poor feet. =(

2011-07-30T02:25:00.001+08:00

Source: WeHeartIt

2011-07-30T01:26:00.002+08:00

Expectations and disappointments. If you don't have one, you'll never have the other.

The world is vast and there's a whole lot of events and activities I want to do. For my body condition, I had never expected the best but always the worse. Like I said, no hopes, no expectations then you'll have no disappointments, right?

I am honestly afraid to wake up to find out that I can't do things I want to do. I want to try and do whatever I can while I am still able. Walk the entire world if possible. Cycle in every competitions! Swim in the deepest pool~ Skydiving, parachuting and bungee jumping! Yea, try everything while I still can right?

There will be pain. No doubt that the pain will only increase and never decrease, but what if I don't get the chance to do it tomorrow? I am scared, I really am. People tell me to "take care" or to "watch your back", but... if I don't do what I feel like now, what if I can't do it tomorrow? My back injury is temperamental. I cannot predict what will happen tomorrow or even later. My noose is tightening with each ticking sound of the clock. Haha! Such is life!

2011-07-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

A part of me that you won't ever see...

2011-07-28T22:57:00.001+08:00

Is birthday a significant day? Can someone answer me?

Right now, I don’t think so. Probably not any more soon. My parents want to celebrate my birthday 9 days ahead, on the day my sis is leaving to England. A farewell cum birthday party?! I am seriously touched. Am I to be rejoicing for my birthday or to be sobbing because my sis is leaving?

Why do people purposely remember the dates of their love ones when they are not going to celebrate their birthdays on the day itself? I need to celebrate my birthday at least that early for the next 3 or 4 years. I might as well be born then, no? Or probably have my birthday celebrated right this instant! At least look on the bright side, I won’t be sobbing because my sister is leaving.

I’ve always hated my birthday for being so late or just the plain fact that I was born then. Yea, and right now, I just plain hate the fact that it’s on THAT day. That day is starting to disgust me. So, it’s just a another day after all, nothing special. Why should I even remember a day like that?! Forget it, I'm going to take the date off Facebook and such.

Lovers aren't the only ones who can hurt you so much...

2011-07-27T17:39:00.002+08:00

Everyday is a bore now. There’s no meaning to life and nothing sparks my curiosity or interest. Life, no matter how short life is, it seemed to be so slow. Or maybe, it’s just a waste of time in whatever I do.

I just want to live life as life itself. But, what’s life? I feel like a living zombie. No motivation in life to keep me going. No goal either.

Some tell me, “Get yourself a partner!” Yes, alright, and the use of a partner would be for …? What made people think that I, someone who lived for almost 20 years of my life alone, would need a partner? Let’s get things right, I did have partners before. So, no thanks.

Mundane! Everything is boring. Life seemed so uninteresting, slow-paced, a bore and a drag. I have no motivation in life. Such are the moments in life… I am tired.

I simply love this quote, right now that is. "The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." By Ellen Parr. This is so true!

PS. My phone is currently under service.

2011-07-24T22:12:00.000+08:00

A chapter closed.

2011-07-23T00:18:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, just by looking, you'll understand. Smiling at times, seemed purely impossible.

And silence, is all you can offer.

Eyes that searched, Tears that called...

Chords that froze and hands withdrawn...

2011-07-22T17:06:00.001+08:00

People are always trying to find the missing piece in their heart or to fill up the wound that was left open. However, reality is tough. One can’t possibility find a replacement or a substitude for that hole.

If one is trying to find another person to replace and to exprience the same feeling that was once so special, it is truely impossible.

One can only create new memories and learnings with different people but never the same. It will only ruin the memory and feeling that you are habouring within.

What is important is that this person that you choose to be with needs you as much as you need them and that they will be there in times of need and never leave you hanging. Even if you guys quarrel, this person should be the one first one who catches you from your fall and not be the last.

Communication, committment and trust are the major 3 key points to make a relationship work. One cannot leave anything out.

It is hard work to keep a relationship going. I know that I am not cut out for a relationship. Somewhere along my journey, I had given up on relationships.

2011-07-18T22:57:00.002+08:00

People say, “If you really love someone, you’ll never let him/her go.” Or “If you love someone, you’ll be there for him/her always.”

But… There are times when their words hurt you so much because they mean a huge place in you or that they had rejected you so many times, that you think, “Maybe I should really let go.”

That’s when they’ll think, “You never cared for me.” Or “You weren’t there when I needed you/your support most.” Or something along that line.

At times like these, you’ll just have to smile and take the blame or apologise, and just turn around to walk away without explanation because only you know that you’ve tried.

Source: WeHeartIt

2011-07-16T22:47:00.001+08:00

I was developing sore throat, so I drank loads of water. My friend on the other line could hear my hoarse voice last night. It was bad. This morning, I woke up to prepare for work but not only did my whole body ached, my head was spinning. My dizziness was still there. I had to call in sick.

I swear, my whole body ached and is aching up till now. It's still so painful. My body feels heavy as well. Moreover, I am feeling very cold the whole day. It's not as though I'm having a fever, but just feeling very cold the whole day.

Another BAD luck! My phone, my 4-months old phone, dropped into a tub of water! Oh my GOSH! What the hell! I was damn panicky and upset about it! What's best? I have my friends laughing at me when I posted that as status in Facebook! Can't they tell I was upset about it?! Oh my gosh such friends!... My phone... =(

2011-07-13T16:29:00.000+08:00

Are you sure, you people know me?

2011-07-13T16:20:00.003+08:00

Haky's Birthday celebration was a BLAST yesterday! I am extremely proud of myself! Oh, I must credit my little awesome sister who though of something so simple yet fantastic for me!!

He was touched alright. He really believed that the retarded Tiramisu cake was the only cake that he's having for the day! Least did he suspect anything about the actual cake. He was shocked when the bar tender sung him the song and brought his cake out! Haha Nice! He was stunned beyond words that he wanted to cry! AWWW, so cute! Haha!

I am proud of myself! I did something memorable for him or for someone. Didn't think that a person like me would make a mark in someone's life. Haha!

2011-07-12T15:01:00.002+08:00

Someone You Used To Know

It was helpless anyway

There's nothing much we could do or say

Darling don't you think it's a shame?

that it had to end this way

So here's to say goodbye,

our love is lost, and we cant figure why

maybe it really is about time

that we finally made up our minds

So Darling, here's to you

i hope that when you find someone new

that she would always be true to you

to love and understand you

Soon you'll build new memories

then slowly you'd forget about me

then i would slowly be

a distant memory

*Soon i'll just be

that someone you used to know

But darling you will thank me

for letting you go

time is not for wasting

i hope you'll find your intended

But i'm sorry

that your intended isn't me

it's not an easy thing

to shake off our history

i know that's what you want from me

but they will always stay with me

i admit i made mistakes

but darling with you it's just the same

if we stay there will be more to make

i dont know how much more we can take

Darling, it would be unfair

to stay with something no longer there

but it doesn't mean i no longer care

but i'd feel like a burden you can't bear

2011-07-11T17:09:00.002+08:00

Another few quotes that interest me!

1) "Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be same again." - Source Unknown

2) "To be trusted is greater compliment than being loved." - George MacDonald

3) "Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent." - Winston Churchill

4) "A weak man is just be accident. A strong but non-violent man is unjust by accident." - Ghandi

I look to quotes, to motivate me for each coming day~! Cheers! =)

2011-07-10T20:57:00.002+08:00

Four quotes for the day:

1) "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

2) "A man is a product of his thoughts." - Ghandi

3) "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Dr (Felice) Leo (nardo) Buscaglia (b.1924), American Professor of Education at USC

4) "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

A few inspiring quotes to make one's day encouraged! =)

2011-07-09T13:41:00.003+08:00

Source: WeHeartIt

A picture meant a thousand words and this is all I can say.

2011-07-08T13:31:00.003+08:00

Source: WeHeartIt

2011-07-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

Lies and illusions, which do you pick? Why?

It got me thinking that both "lies" and "illusions" are the same thing. Then again, someone once told me that no men would create another word with the exact same meaning to another word. Yet, would someone like to enlighten me on the difference between both? Because, no matter how you debate, aren't both "lies" and "illusions" the same thing?

I asked my sister and she said, "this is something very deep." Really? Is it? Can two simple words make things so complicated?

2011-07-07T12:35:00.003+08:00

A silent shift.

Nothing much to say.

2011-07-06T02:32:00.003+08:00

It's funny how little things can make the people around us happy. Sometimes, gifts aren't the best options. Just a simple smile would do the trick. When someone is down, it's best to stay by that person and talk about anything to keep his/her mind distracted. Their mood would naturally be lighten.

I remember something funny.

Kel poked a mushroom and handed it to me. I looked at the mushroom and was rotating her hand which held the mushroom. Then her voice suddenly sounded in my ear..

Kel: Must you choose which spot to bite? I thought mushroom has the same texture all round?!

For some unknown reason, I bursted out laughing. I NEVER thought anyone would say something like that. I just thought, "What an epic comment!"

2011-07-05T00:48:00.002+08:00

In life, there are always ups and downs. When we are experiencing the down parts in life, we think that we are at the lowest point of life and that it sucks big time. Time seemed to pass so slowly then that it seemed to last forever. During these moments, we failed to see that the close friends or people around us are most worried for us.

Whatever and however down we are, it is always good to take a breather by finding something relaxing to do. Take a moment to breathe and pause for a while. Let everything around you flow and move on while you sit there and look. Relax and chill. After that moment, let's lift your head up and carry on happy. If life will pass no matter how situation we may be in, why not make it happy and an energetic one right?

Instead of doing things that would make you temporary happy or numb, why not make the situation or people who made you that way regret? Show them that you can conquer whatever tests and nonsense they want you to be in! They think that you'll be beaten but you know what? Prove them wrong. Smile and walk on. Have fun and play. Freedom is on your side. Laugh and do whacky stuffs. Make the world envy and revolve round you!

People grow with each passing situation. People mature and learn to be strong. Don't worry, you are not alone.

2011-06-29T22:45:00.003+08:00

And yet again, a day like yesternight.

I can only watch you from afar, can't I? That's the only thing I can do and that is the only thing that I had done since forever. My words are never actions are they? If only I had the time, if only I had the capability..

"If only.." such great words...

Since then, I had grown and matured. It feels like I am giving you away. I hope they'll love you. I hope they'll care for you. I hope they'll protect you. I hope you'll be happy.

You've gone out of my reach...

5 things done for the day. Eat, Fish, Cry, Message, Sleep. I was only awake for 5 hours. My energy had certainly dropped. Then again, there's nothing I wanted to do but sleep. Sleep it off~

PS. Dearest, thank you for being there when I broke and cried. Love you loads.

2011-06-28T21:39:00.002+08:00

Baby, I miss you! I swear I miss you loads. Come back to me~

Baby dear, do you know that I found someone that looks like you? You guys look very alike! I sat there for an hour looking at that person. I saw you~ Baby, i really miss you. Where are you now? Are you eating well? Are you lonely? Are you fine? Are you healthy?

Baby, you know? I cried just looking at that fella. Just by looking, I saw you within that person. You guys are so similar... It's been a long time since I actually cried from within.

I miss you loads baby.. I wish you could be back...

2011-06-26T21:19:00.003+08:00

I am irritated and annoyed and affected by a lot of factors. Or maybe not, I am just down. Someone who is not looking forward to the next minute. That is what my face conveys. Yet, these factors are something I can't do anything about. It won't change.

My production is screwing up all my schedule and now all effort is in vain. Thanks to this production, I turned down another production and changed my work schedule. How much dumber can I be?

My friend's issue. Approach her, yet she rejects me. Can't leave her alone because I know she is calling for me silently. Leaving her unpressurised is having me pressured. I am sandwiched and I wonder who I should help, which side I should side for. I am stuck in this pressured dilemma. I don't know what to do. What should I do or say that would make her accept?

My sister. I am worried for her exam tomorrow. She do not have her current calculator for exam, so she needs to use her old calculator. However, knowing how stubborn she can be, she refuses to buy the same new calculator that she is more comfortable with for her Mathematics paper on Tuesday. How am I to convince her?

I am starting to get tired. I don't know what to feel. My mom talked to me, surprisingly, I felt damn happy and comfortable. Maybe I should work. I just want to work.

2011-06-26T00:00:00.002+08:00

We walk our paths and at times, we find ourselves in situations whereby we are sandwiched between many factors. Crossroads, some might refer it as. Be it whatever name it is, decisions are to be made during these moments.

My aunt's side had a little problem and her boss or previous boss, is certainly causing me a little bit of problems. It is really frustrating I must admit. However, I can't do much about it either.

Audition was today, not sure how well it went. My nerves were all over the place so I probably didn't perform the way I wanted it to be. Hopefully, it didn't turn out bad. Really hope so.

As for the other problem, it's more of a worry. I don't know what to say that is appropriate to you. I am never good at expressing myself, so words that I really wanted to say, never seemed to come out right. Nonetheless, all I can say is that, ultimately, I worry for you like any other elder sister would. You can hide your feelings and put up a front, but the fact that I know (even though I don't say), won't change. I want you stay safe, somewhere that I can reach you easily. It's okay, if you don't trust me, or hate me, but you're my sister, yea? =)

Tomorrow is that start of my busy days. Oh wells, wonder what trouble would come slamming into my face. Hais.

2011-06-22T23:43:00.006+08:00

On the other shore of sadness,

It is said that there is a smile,

On the other shore of sadness,

It is said that there is a smile,

Finally we arrived.

But what are we waiting for?

The purpose is not to run away,

It's to chase after dreams

We should have gone out to travel

On that summer day so long ago

In a place worn down by sadness

something called a miracle, is waiting

Yet we are still searching

for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light

before he can clasp it with red nails,

his tears glitter and fall

Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness

only relying on the light of the moon

We have to fly away with featherless wing

just go forward, just a little further

Even tomorrow, if you see it

Though there isn't a sigh either.

Like a ship going against the current flow.

Right now, go forward, move ahead.

Even if it cuts through the rain and clouds,

The wet roads shine,

Only the dark will teach,

A stronger and stronger light,

Be strong, go forward, move ahead.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many a times, our viewpoints were different. We couldn't crack a proper joke and ended up in countless of meaningless arguments, but nevertheless, it was a part of life. We were never on the same frequency and never fail to misunderstand each other, still it was part of life. From laughter to anger to sorrow, we had been through it all, and it might not have worked out for us but thank you for everything. I'm sure that there is someone out there who is way better than me, more understanding than me and of the same frequency as you, waiting for you. Therefore, do not give up hope to stop searching for that person who is meant for you. Do not stop smiling. =)

2011-06-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

Oh, I loved how I woke up from bed this morning! I wanted to get out of bed this morning at 8.15 to prepare for work, so just as I was about to sit up on my bed, this IDIOTIC DUMB SISTER of mine (not eu-chan), hugged me back down on bed. At that very moment, I thought, "Oh my god, so how to get out of bed without waking her up? =_=" " Haha, it was damn epic because I had to wriggle myself out of bed! Epic shit! xD

Sometimes, it benefits to not think too much. I am willing to be your listening ear, give you advises if needed or discuss the matter with you too. However, if I give advises and you won't heed them or insist that you're still right, then I won't advise, I'll just be your listening ear. Yet, when I am just your listening ear, you think that I'm avoiding you and take you less than a friend and you get angry with me. My goodness! And from then, you'll start that paranoia thought, which will lead to an argument each time. Ever since then, a conversation is start with a paranoia statement! Oh my~ How weird is that!

*Side note: "you" refers to NO one and absolutely NO one. It's just a flow of events and people that I encounter and from friends, so I decided to combine all the complains and comments from people and myself.

2011-06-18T23:54:00.004+08:00

There will be times when things seemed to get out of hand or gets on your nerves and you just feel like giving up, note that no matter how bad situation is, I'll be there behind your back, giving you that hard push. If you want to be quiet, I can just be there and sit with you, if you want to cry, I'll lend you my shoulder, if you want to complain, I can be your listening ear. Just remember, be it good or bad times, I will be there for you. Flag me like a taxi.

Now it is the time where my tolerance and patience is being tested. Confrontation is top on my list, get things clear and not to have my name being insulted and accused behind my back! If it wasn't because of others that I am thinking about, I would have pick up phone, dialed the number and just demand for answers! To have people smiling in my face wishing me to be happy and yet taint my name behind my back makes me regret making friends with that person! Makes me feel like vomiting! Made me felt like a fool to even trust this person as a friend! I feel like a total idiot now. I swear!

I don't need to defend myself, because people who had been with me all these time felt anger before I came to know about the truth. I shared everything to them all these while and to hear your words just pisses them and me off! Gosh, such shallow of a personality you have! I will NOT confront but will tolerate, like I had always been doing. My conscious is clear and had done nothing wrong. However, you have just officially offended me.

"Friends" you questioned?! I wish our paths will not cross any further than it already is. I can forgive and will forgive but I want to have nothing more to do with you. Sorry.

My slipped disc relapsed. Even still, I'll act normal in front of you. If I can tolerate any other pain, slipped disc pain isn't that bad, right? It'll pass~

2011-06-14T22:26:00.002+08:00

Right now, I have an idiot beside me undergoing tuition from my sister. It's pretty amusing I must say! Hahaha~~ Oh, I'm a happy person, I had just earned a sister today! Haha!

There's nothing much to blog these days since my days are different from each. One of the storybook that I had started reading today is called "Train Man". It's very funny! Entertaining. For now, I am crewing in a production called "Going Local 2". Moreover, I have an audition next Saturday. The audition monologues are... abstract. I wonder how am I going to make it through for that! Oh my~ Wish me luck T_T~

Things have gone quieter and stagnant. I wonder how things would progress when it clashes again. Haywire and offhand~ Then I'll age again I guess! Haha xD

2011-06-12T16:15:00.002+08:00

あなたは何を感慨っているを私は本当に何も知っている。私たちは本当に別の世界から見たいね。わたしは時々感慨っていた、あんたの悲しい理由は私の性だよね。あたしたちもこいびとですがまだ友達よ。

In life, everyone comes from different walks of lives. We will not know if our paths would ever cross, but it is definitely worth it to hold on those around us closely in fear of losing them someday. Someone once told me that lost, regret and cherish are three linked friends that would never come together but one after another. All linked by an invisible thread. We may not be able to control the flow of events but we are definitely able to prevent certain events.

What's yours would be yours, but what's not yours would never be yours no matter how much you try for it may result to the opposite effect.

2011-06-10T01:36:00.003+08:00

Many people have their definitions of "Friends" and I have mine. =)

I may be a lousy partner (that I don't deny), but if you are true to me, I am a great friend. I'll be there for you and go all out for you. That's me. So don't try messing with them.

*Side track: My little sis changed her pillow!! x) Kyaaa*

I make a fool out of myself and act blur but I am observant. I may not say but I do hint. So don't tell me that you're alright when I can tell you're not. Don't need to purposely change yourself to suit into anyone, just be yourself. You won't feel pressurized that way.

True friends will make your feel at ease. They accept you for who you are.

2011-06-09T23:36:00.002+08:00

A new start. To start things anew! Burden off one's shoulders~

A fruitful day~ To help and to be helped.

It felt great to help!

Hehehe x)

I am blessed to have known you lot!

Got a wallet as a gift!

Beautiful gift!

Thankies!

If you lot ever need a company or a listening ear, just give me a ring!

I am never too far away! Always at your service! =)

2011-06-09T00:23:00.003+08:00

Silent is a common trait. It's everywhere. At times, silence meant everything. However, many a time, silence meant trouble. How like peace comes before a storm, right?

If we do not talk for some time, we get distant from each other (awkwardness creeps in too!), yet when we try to keep a conversation rolling, arguments break out. Arguments that start easily but no end. The only way to stop the argument is to have one party walking off or leaving the conversation. Whenever I give in, I am deemed as being sarcastic. How ironic! I gave up arguing since last Friday. I totally gave up. Now when arguments come, just make things my fault and end the argument alright? I am tired. If you call me sarcastic, insincere or whatever, I don't mind. Just, PLEASE, no more arguments.

My jokes knives that hurt you. Yours are an insult to me. So question, what humors the both of us at the same time?

Honestly, if someone questioned my feelings, I wouldn't know how to answer anymore. With arguments everyday, I don't know what my feelings are. I cannot give a definite answer when my emotions are all over the place.

I hesitated to blog because even though this is my diary, you'll come questioning me about my diary. If more questionings are going to head in my direction, I'll either change the link or just write a personal diary. Sorry.

I am exhausted. If I'm not shopping tomorrow, I want to sit somewhere or just walk.

2011-06-06T00:13:00.003+08:00

Even if you scold,

I'll keep on enduring.

Even if you accuse,

I will still endure.

Even if you blame,

I will take it all.

Even if you yell,

I'll keep on listening.

Even if you betray me,

I'll still stand by you.

Even if you've hurt me,

I'll still smile in front of you.

2011-06-05T20:41:00.003+08:00

Oh my god. I really did it. I really cut my hair short. A total different hairstyle.

How should I say? I'm not used to it yet? I mean, I had kept long hair for the past few years, so now that my hair is entirely short and of a weird style, I need time to adjust into the idea. You guys wouldn't like it if you had seen it. But who cares, ah heck it! It looks wrong and weird but I don't care now.

Oh, I changed the dye colour too. From light brown to reddish purple. That's that. As for hair, I intend to have one side shaved soon, if I really can't get used to it that is. One thing for sure, I cut my hair 'cos I really hated it badly recently. Nothing went right. Since nothing was right, I decided to have it cut. Ha! I look ridiculous now, but really, I don't give a damn now.

Ah! Whatever...

2011-06-04T22:36:00.002+08:00

I want to become a nun. Or to be forever single!

WHY AM I STUCK A SITUATION WHERE I SEEMED TO HAVE THE NEED TO BE DISCREET IN MY ACTIONS?! CAN'T I HANG OUT WITH A FRIEND, A CLOSE FRIEND AT EASE WITHOUT HAVING ANYONE TO TELL ME THAT "IT IS THE WORSE DECISION ON EARTH~!"

CAN'T I PLACE A CLOSE FRIEND IN MY LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT YOU THINK OR HOW OTHER TALK TO ME?! F*CK. 'COS YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'M STARTING TO GET F*CKING IRRITATED.

YOU DON'T TRUST ME AND I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF DISCUSSING ABOUT IT. 'COS I KNOW, YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~ KNOW WHAT?! I'M GOING TO NOT ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS OR REPLY SMS FROM ANYONE BUT MY ADVISOR N FAMILY. This would save me from rejecting you or my close friends. Then I get to upset no one since everything I do, even if it's doing alone, it hurts others!

2011-06-04T15:31:00.002+08:00

Here's life: When you start the day wrong, it will definitely go wrong for the rest of the day.

Yesterday, no matter how perfect things try to turn out to be, it just go downhill. I appreciate the people who supported me when I was down n such. I really. I am lost of words to say since I have too many things to say, a lot of things to complain and many things to keep.

I was really upset after our quarrel. We can't even hold a proper conversation now. It gets offhand and would just turn out into some firing session whereby we argue. Just before my exams (everyday), we would argue. I think I did told her off once saying that arguments would be the last thing I need before my exams to affect my concentration.

Now it's before work. I tried to keep my mood up during work but it was just impossible. I smile and laugh but my colleagues who had seen me genuinely happy, they could tell that I wasn't myself. And, they took extra care of me. Nice! They would walk pass me, "Are you okay?" and my manager dropped me a message to ask if I was alright since I was out of myself. I wanted to keep things out of my head so I just worked. Volunteered any possible work. Oh, a chair landed on me in the process. Haha! Took wrong orders and broke cups~ So not me, right?

I was exhausted. Knocked out the moment I got on the van. Just woke up at 3.30pm. My head, back and knee were hurting yesterday, but it's not much of a big deal. (Usual occurrence).

I won't cry and I won't break just yet. I had cried once in front of you but that's it. I will make it appoint that there won't be a second time unless the situation is a major one. I will smile and lift my head to walk. You can say all you like about me and I won't mind because I don't see the need to ever defend myself. No point. You once questioned me of being someone with least words right? So, I will keep to my words and be someone of least words. Just smile.

Yup, my energy is really drained and low now. For a person like me who has a naturally high energy, times like these makes me feel really down, slow and aging. I am mentally, physically, emotionally and psychology tired and stressed.

Screw it! Really, SCREW IT!

Change a day...

Start a new day...

2011-06-02T02:58:00.003+08:00

2 good points of me, at least that's what I think so.

Great listener. (This is definitely one of my strengths.)
... ... ...

You know what, I think it's only one.

I think I might be typing nonsense soon since I am having this real bad and splitting headache! Oh my gosh. These headaches are fine, so long as it is not migraine. Migraine hurts, no joke, migraine hurts.

We met up today. I can tell that there's this air of "awkwardness" in between us even though I was casual. I got the impression from her that she was avoiding me in one way or another. Weird? I don't know what else to mention.

~Side Track~

It's been a while since I last had that feeling. A nostalgic feeling that is so warm and giving and contagious. It was relaxing and comforting. Though it brings worries, it is just purely addictive. I wonder, will I ever be fortunate or blessed enough to have the chance to embrace onto it once more? I missed the feeling.

Alright, I think I am better to asleep now. My head is going to split. Guessed if I were to hit my head against the wall, the impact cannot be felt. =__="

2011-05-31T13:16:00.002+08:00

I am working almost everyday now. I can feel the pressure adding up in my body especially my back. "Ah, I need to rest." would be the only reaction to that pain. Well, I need to watch my limits or I'll land in the hospital like before. >_<"

I am tired. From working, just generally tired. Don't have the mood to do anything else. When my friends talk to me via texting (of 'cos), my mood is generally happy. Really grateful that they happened to be awake at such ungodly hours and to be able to company me. Random topics liven my mood, at least I try to make myself happy. Otherwise I'll feel forever tired. In which case, I would have absolutely no mood to even text! Haha~

Laughter is a good medicine. I think it is me. Probably because it's been a while since I laughed from any jokes from my relationship, I think, it is starting to feel slow. (Or probably because I am tired?) At this stage, I can't think of jokes to crack within our conversations. It's getting a little dull. Since my energy is usually very high, things like these really makes me feel doubly bored.

I think I need 2 days break from everything. First day is to rest to stock up my lost energy and to ease that tiredness. Second day is to find my whacky friends who are able to do something whacky and exciting and random to boost my energy up! Make me feel and come back on track! Otherwise, I would really feel like I am aging BIG time.

Hope something exciting pops up today to brighten my day up, like a rainfall while I am working or something!

2011-05-30T13:52:00.005+08:00

This morning at 1am, I phoned her and made a few adjustments to our relationship.

Since we had been arguing so much and is getting us nowhere, I thought of renewing. Restarting would be highly impossible now, so renewing would be the only way out, that was what I thought. This way, I thought things might improve and would last.

I changed our status from a close relationship to an open one, with no strings attached. I thought this would make ourselves more at ease 'cos in a close r/s we feel obliged or restricted in one way or another. Good way to start to enter each of our comfort zone without knowing. All of us starts off as friends then close friends then lovers, but we had skipped the friends and close friends part which make things awkward and just weird. This is the massive awkward situation which I am in, how retarded. I am not someone who does something like this! So I suggested to start by calling me by name, Ches for short.

However, when I phoned her telling her about the plan, she was dissatisfied with the idea. I swore she was. You could tell from her tone of voice and her sentence structure. Then came a text later in the day and I was insulted by it.

"wrt to an open r/s, what I can think of is that you might slip away easily. Another thought is, what slips away easily, isn't worth my time and efforts to hold on tightly onto. In time to come, we'll see if you're worth it then."

I was utterly dumbfounded when I read that. "WTF." was my only thought. Then again, probably it was just me who found that insulting. I didn't know how to reply 'cos she told me that it sounded okay to her.

After lunch, another text from her came explaining that she was worried that during this open r/s period, I might slip away or that my feelings for her would fade. Kinda got the idea of what she wanted to tell me and my anger was appeased. Later again she tried to rephrase but I told her that she might want to stop rephrasing 'cos it was starting to get offending again.

Honestly, I am still bothered by that text even though I know what she meant now. I can't seemed to get it out of my head! AHHH! Oh wells, work it off later! Hehehe xD

That's how things started off for me. Well, I should say this is a start and hope this would work and last. There would be many things on the way which I wouldn't understand or get lost or confused, but I guess that's just life. I can't undo what's done but can only amend.

During the process, I am grateful towards some real great friends who supported me. Thanks n love them loads x)

2011-05-24T02:02:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really don't know what to think or hope for. When I have thoughts and hopes for something, I face disappointment. You want me to be happy, telling me your plans and everything but yet, they are nothing but words.

"What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?" Good phrase, ought to be highly praised.

A solution? What solution can I think of with your friendly working schedule of 8.30 in the morning till 10 at night? So much for me being the busy one or the fussy one.

All I want is a company. Nothing but a company. If being in a relationship meant that I'll still be alone, then what is the difference when I am single?

2011-05-16T16:15:00.002+08:00

Spinning mind, countless thoughts, crossing paths, doors opens, slapping facts...

I am walking through an aimless land. A land that seems never ending, for now. Where and what is my destination?

2011-05-11T23:05:00.003+08:00

I am hesitant. Should I blog about today? I hope she doesn't see this now or something.

Oops, bad decision made today. That was entirely my fault, no doubt, I swear. Guessed my brains had dropped out. Apologies. Again, I had upset you. See what I meant by it'll be my turn soon? You weren't in good mood so I didn't dare to say much to you either. I wanted to spend more time but I noticed that you needed to go home soon, it was late already.

A whole day of dance would have my ankle hurt more. I assure you that it IS hurting, so I think tomorrow I will wear the ankle guard. Definitely. Heee, Fervyn decided to replace me 'cos of my ankle. AWWW so sweet. Hehehe. Thanks. =) Though, I wouldn't complain if I had to still do the dance.

I...don't know what to say or do. I'm going to shower now. My feet is officially numb from the pain. (=_=")

2011-05-08T21:56:00.002+08:00

I came home late yesterday night and woke up very early this morning. Gosh, I swear I was tired. After audition (which was normal, think I won't get in still), I went to have hotcakes from Mac. Even though I took my time to eat and such, I ended up reaching home at 12 noon.

I was suppose to meet Jingle bells at 9am and spend my day with her yet it was another failure. Awesome, right? Another empty promise. Disappointment.

When I reached home, I just went to bed. Upon lying down, I suddenly felt how pain my ankle was. Oh gosh, it's bad. Slept from 12.30 in the afternoon till 3. 58pm. She was coming back today.

Honestly, I was looking forward to her coming back. Really. However, I can't help thinking, "How am I going to react when I see her? Should I pretend to be happy? Or should I have no reaction? What?"

At the airport, I was eager to meet her, yet the question kept repeating in my head. As time pass, I wanted to just run away from this fact, so I decided to leave. Yet, as I was walking off, I kept thinking to turn around and just see her. She called and I gave up, I turned back.

I was glad that I saw her. I was very happy that she's came back, yet, I couldn't bring myself to hug her or have her holding hands then. I didn't know why. I know it would upset her but I just couldn't. Seems like I am really affected by yesterday's incident huh?! Affected over a small issue. How RIDICULOUS!

I guess, I better apologise to her later. I phoned her but her phone is flat, so probably I'll just drop a text later or something since it is not convenient for her to be on the phone at home.

*A little side note, my right arm and ankle hurts big time! My arm cannot stop shaking when I carry anything with it. I think both need more rest...*

2011-05-08T01:14:00.002+08:00

I am numb. Numb by everything. Disappointment, hurt, anger and upset.

I started off the day being damn happy and excited. Happy and excited for 2 issues.

1) Jingle Bells is coming to visit! Finally!

2) My GF is coming back soon!

Great news? Sure it is, right?! x)

As the day progressed, Jingle bells ended up spending 90% of her day with Stanley in a museum leaving Nessa, Kinah and I alone in town to shop. What's the use of it being a day with us when she wasn't around with us, right? I was disappointed when she told me that she would be finding Stanley in a museum. I met up at 12.45pm, hang out for lunch and at 2pm, we separated. Only at 7.45pm did we meet up again. How cool is that?!

Next, to find that a detail about me SLIPPED my GIRLFRIEND'S mind. It was something that I told her repeatedly that I didn't like, yet it slipped her mind? Erm, what am I to her again? Last I checked, I was her GIRLFRIEND, right?! So, a detail about me which was repeated to her could slipped her mind. Wow, I can only laugh! It's damn hilarious, I swear. I didn't know how to react but to just laugh at the comment.

At times like these, just drink. Drink and you'll be happier 'cos you'll be high! Haha, I drank loads. Just drink. Forget everything and drink...Run from reality for now.

2011-05-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

Chris exam is finally over. Breathe a sigh of relief! I had loads of fun today. After acting rehearsal, there was a bit of time, so Nessa and I went to do some window shopping. Tried on loads of clothes, neoprint was even taken!

I have very sensitive skin. That I had known for a long, long time. One of the things that is affecting me now is my ears. Previously I had changed my ear sticks to ear rings. Stud ear rings, silver stud ear rings. Wore it for 2 days and my ear is facing skin allergy. How cool. The only ear rings that do not give my ear problems is ear sticks. Now you have my answer as to why I am wearing ear sticks most of the time. Another problem faced today. I think I pulled some muscles in my arm 'cos my arm is hurting like mad now. Oh well, I'm sure it's not too big of an issue since the pain is still tolerable.

Oh, from these 3 days or so that she is overseas, my independent-ness is kicking back in. Independence is one of the shells covering me.

Here's what I was wondering, if it is tiring to be selfish, would I still be forced to be selfish?

Anyways, I'm sleepy. Let's head to bed and ignore everyone in the world, including my girlfriend, even though she'll come after me for ignoring her and what not. Let her come to nag and complain and "blame" me indirectly. But today, I just feel like being an irritant and annoy others.

2011-05-04T21:29:00.004+08:00

Exam weeks are packed to the max. Any free timing slot available is the only time available for study. Exams would not be so stress if it wasn't for Chris Lee's exam on Friday. That, to me, is the most stressful one. Oh gosh, that can kill.

Chris Lee's exam is a huge burden on my shoulders that I am so positively sure that I would fail! Gosh, at most a "C" grade. To think that I can score in theory classes. Such an overstatement.

I am surfing the net to do some research for his many scripts (=_=), and I need help with Chinese translations! The Chinese is too difficult to understand. Read an essay history about an English script in Chinese is just NOT helping with my situation here. Why does she have to be overseas now?! Gosh gosh gosh... Oh wells...

Actually, things don't really change much, apart from me messaging less and going home to study after school. Sure, I miss her. I prefer talking on the phone but she, on the other hand, prefer to message. What I hate about messaging, is that you interpret messages from your OWN point of view which is usually the source of most misunderstandings. But, never mind, I am sure things can't always go my way right?

*Side note: I swear I am depressed soon. Facing multiple rejections on a stressful exam period kills one's morale and make me just down.*

Anyways, it's time to go back to study! (T_T)

2011-05-02T00:57:00.003+08:00

1st of May officially ended. Previously I had mentioned if there would be another upsetting events before the day ended.

Yea, I guessed there was. I waited for her to come online. Yes, even though I was the one who requested it, I think, it would be better if I was informed that you weren't coming online any time sooner from the given time or that you weren't be coming on at all, right? Maybe asking you to come online isn't such a great idea at all.

When I told you about Oswin's incident, I just wanted to have a chat since I was down. Yet your reply was a long awaited and was..I am left speechless. I was a smart ass to find you to talk when I was down. That I swear. I am pissed and annoyed with myself for finding you 'cos if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have been more upset, no? Big words, "I want to be there for you.".

Tell me, what am I to trust? Who am I to trust? After all the hassle, I am back to square one. Back at the starting point. Silence, is hence, the best way of protecting one's self after all...

So my day ended with 3 upsetting incidents. Would my today be another day similar? If so, I'm not looking forward to it.

2011-05-01T21:54:00.002+08:00

People always say, "If you start the day right, it will be right for the whole day." or something close to that. I started my day with a little "debate" with her. Not a great way to start, right?

But as the day progressed, the first thing that went wrong was the fact that my mom forgot me even though she phoned me. Such contradiction? She forgot to packet food home for me 'cos she forgot I was home even though she phoned me in request to wake my little sis up.

As the day continued, the second thing that went wrong which I think was more upsetting than the first was to find out that I seemed like "carbon dioxide" to Oswin. A close friend who I hold really dear too. I became someone whom he'll come visiting only at night or for a few minutes. Even though I told him I was hurt and would show him the "crying" face, I really meant it but I'm pretty sure that he thought it was just a joke.

To be forgotten by your mom and to have a close friend changing your existence status hurts a lot. What other hurtful action awaits me before the day ends?

It seemed like my day didn't go quite well, did it? *smile*

2011-04-30T17:05:00.002+08:00

Today's a hot weather though there was sun-shower in the later afternoon about 5pm.

Let's see, today rehearsal was cancelled. WOOTS! I got to sleep in but not very long since I woke up at 10am. I am recently deprived of sweets. My sweets supply seemed to have depleted. I don't know what to blog about too.

Hmm, exams are approaching. I wonder how I would do for the exams these round. Surely, won't be up to my expectations (as usual). I hope that exams would hurry end so that I can enjoy and party like never before. Haha!

But of cos, before I enjoy and party, I am planning to work. Get a JOB and earn money to kill time!

2011-04-26T19:48:00.002+08:00

Gosh, I found out that I have a huge bruise on my thigh. Huge, really huge. I didn't know I had it till my friend asked how it came about. It hurt.

I'm having my headache again. My back ache is as per normal. Tonight I'll do the same hot water bag thing again. Hopefully, the pain will ease faster today. My shoulder is officially sore from the fall I had yesterday. What's best. My laptop's heavy and I carried a whole day of laptop using my injured arm. Brilliant. How much smarter can I be?

Exams start next week. Gosh, this is freaky. Chris's class is one of those which I fear. Just imagine if you blank out then. 18 scripts, only 12 is selected and of which, only 5 needs to be answered. European dance is scary too. Oh boy~

Gala performance is coming too! Why am I standing on the front row for ballet dance? I mean, if it's a normal dance, I don't mind. But what happens here is that the ballet performance is mainly warm-ups! My Gosh! The only change for ballet was that the stretching segment (split), is taken out since most of us can't split. Hais. My life is miserable.

命中注定我受苦。。。

誰が助けってください。。。

2011-04-25T21:58:00.003+08:00

Today, for some unknown reason, I was down in the morning. Didn't have the mood to do anything or talk to anyone.

Even when I looked at my phone, I sighed, I wasn't keen on talking to her too. I guessed I was tired. I like her, and I still do. But what happens, she can't read me. I am a person of least words, for me to keep telling her what I'm feeling or thinking, sometimes, it just tires me out.

To be honest, I wanted to just get out of it and end it all. Yet, that would just be plain running away from problems. I'll just be back to where I start. Not only that, to think that I gave my word of time allowance and perseverance, I would be the worse person on earth to just run from things.

I happened to tell Kendra that I was down and was tired 'cos I need to keep telling how I feel and think, yet she said, "Same, but at least your boyfriend asks, mine don't." For some unknown reason, I thought, "Hey, if she can do it, so can I. Things aren't different for any other couples." So yea, I tried to see things from another point of view and my mood improved since then.

When school ended, I was looking forward (again) to see her. Silly I may be now. I just needed that push at that point of time. Thanks for that. =)

2011-04-24T19:24:00.002+08:00

I think it is harder to understand than to accept others.

I know how it would feel if I'm in your position. I might have reacted the way you did or maybe not react at all. We would all be affected even though we know that the other person is only friends to either of us. Yet, we can't help feeling that way, can we?

You said that I am difficult to understand because there'e nothing reflected on my face, yet I think, everything is in my face. Writen all over my face, so much so that I wish I can wear a mask to hide my face.

As for you, it just so happened that I am able to understand and read you. Might not be accruate but more or less. I wonder at times, if me being able to read you so easily was a good thing for me. At times, it would have been better to be oblivious than to know, wouldn't it?

I don't want you to change and you don't want me to change. Yet, for this to work out, either party have to give way, isn't it? Compromise is what I would suggest, yet, quite so often, it is not working out. My anger is like a landmine which explodes every minute, yet you always take the blame for that. It is obvious that it is not very fair here, right? It's tough and exhausting, no?

It's funny that both of us are constantly trying to find methods and ways to solve things and to work things out. .......I have no comments already. Nothing much to say. If I approach things from a different angle, would the situation have changed?

2011-04-24T14:39:00.002+08:00

Today's Sunday. Woke up at 11.30am this morning.

Yesterday = disaster! Fun but disasterific!
Party, party and more party.
Dance, dance and more dancing.
I got tossed, thrown, pushed, pulled and drgged into the pool with my normal clothes on.
Wet, wet and very wet.

Over all, it was a fun day~ Haha, now it's back to reality! =(

2011-04-22T22:53:00.002+08:00

New ear piercing today! I doubt my mom would be happy with it. Then again, she is never happy with anything I do, so why bother right?

Here's life: When your parents, either one, accuses you, you defend. Yet the more you defend or explain, not only will they not listen but they will think you're even trying to cover up.

It's amazing how they are able to not listen to you and accept your explainations. Are the explainations you offer them not something worth hearing? Or are the explainations you provide not something worth understanding?

Life's short, so why won't they allow you to just explore and play with life and just enjoy but keeping yourself safe in your zone? If' one's so sheltered, how is it then possible to enjoy life to the fullest?

These are thoughts which they deem "BAD" and they'll conclude that I had mixed with bad company. Such are the ways of a typical asian parent.

2011-04-20T21:06:00.004+08:00

What do I want from her? I don't want to do anything to upset her, of course, and I want to just be with her. Is that too much to ask for? Should I tell her that? Should I not tell her that? Wouldn't that be a selfish thought?

Constantly walking in circles,

Repeating myself in rounds.

If I were to stop,

What would be in front?

I am getting far too spoilt by her, which, I think, is actually a bad thing. I am independent by myself for so long, I don't want to have to depend on people yet now that I've depended on her, it seemed scary.

Desperately seeking for answers,

Searching my brain and thoughts.

If answers I wished could be found,

Insecurity be gone.

I'm intoxicated by her. I don't want to hurt her yet, I am constantly doing so unintentionally. What am I to do? What am I to ask of her? Should I give in like I always had for other relationships or should I be selfish?

Who am I to listen? Who am I to trust?

Millions of questions deep within my head.

If uncertainties were to vanish,

So will my never-ending headache.

I am lost, stuck in a crossroad. Tell me what to do, someone..or even anyone. Please?

2011-04-18T23:07:00.003+08:00

A word "sorry" isn't enough to express what I'm feeling. A mixture of feelings within me. From happiness to sorrow to anger to guilt and many more. I can't exactly say that my day was bad to begin with nor had it gone wrong but, I don't know why I felt so crap.

You're not at fault at most times yet it's me who is constantly pushing your limits, messing around, fooling around and everything. Doing things that upsets you and doing things to anger you and doing things to go against you. I don't know why, but I was just affected when I realised that I was taking you for granted.

I wondered why would a person as good natured as you catch sight of a person like me?! It doesn't make any sense at all, no matter how I try to see things. You're flexible and I am spoilt and rigid and everything bad.

"Sorry" is all I can say. I nearly cried when you say it didn't matter. It upset me badly. Sorry, sweetie. Just, sorry.

2011-04-11T06:31:00.002+08:00

A week to start my havoc! But only after this friday. I was hoping that my parents would leave e country on e thursday morning instead of friday since lesbian night is on thursdays. How unfortunate. I do believe that my parents know that I am going and intending to wreck havoc when they are not around. I mean, why not right?

Haha. For now, it is a morning like any other and I am tired as per normal. Who don't like to sleep in when they can right? Oh wells, a good breakfast to kick start the day would help but after which, I'll get my usual stomach pains. Oh my~~

Nevertheless, good morning!